Change, ouch. This word always brings uncomfortable stirrings in my soul, that place where I hear myself say “I don’t want to!” Being “stuck” as I am right now in my weight loss journey, this word means more action and more pressing, more WORK! As in the saying from Joyce Meyers, which hit me between the eyes, if I’m stuck, then there must be another bend in the road, a different direction that I need to take. I want a different result, therefore Change is needed, yet again.
I’m trying to be as honest as I can with this blog (whether about physical or spiritual stuff), so that maybe someone else can relate and be encouraged. A HUGE part of my journey and battle is that I have this thing within me, this laziness that I’ve battled my entire life. Now, you may not see it visually because I’m an extremely organized person, couldn’t do my job and live my live without being that way, however, within me is a laziness that USED to be visual – i.e. my old fat self. This internal battle still rises up even after 3 years of my new disciplined lifestyle. Yes, it has become easier in some ways as in I don’t binge on the ever present Big Mac, however I do still battle eating too much in a given meal. It’s true that even too much of a good thing is still TOO MUCH! And dare I say…dark chocolate…? OMG, don’t go there Carol…sigh.
Haven’t I reached my goal, you ask???? I’ve heard this question many times recently and my answer is a bit hesitant…yes, I have reached my initial goal, however not being at this weight in over 20 years, I really didn’t know how I’d feel once I got here. I chose that number – it was MY number, not THE number, or not HIS number for me, as I’m finding out.
When I’ve come to this screeching halt place (*imagine car tires sound effects*) where I’m stuck, stalled, or whatever word you want to use, it’s not a place I want to be. I’ve gotten good at staying the same (up/down a few lbs) as in maintaining and Yippee for that, but when there’s more to lose I have to stop and take stock of where and what I’m doing and bring it before the Lord… HELP ME GOD!!!
Before this blog, it was just in my prayers to God and my journal, now it’s out there so you who’ve decided to join me will be drug along in this as well. HELP ME GOD is the place I’ve been multiple times in 3+ years – where I’ve had to re-evaluate what I’m doing and ask for wisdom to make additional changes in what I eat and how I live. If I truly want to continue this journey, and I do, then Change must again happen and I need His wisdom and direction.
God HAS BEEN FAITHUL. I’m standing on that fact in this…but it’s the ME part that’s the stickler. The ME who doesn’t want to make more changes; the ME who has always been my nemesis; the ME who runs away from change as far as I can get with the resulting reaction of overeating. This ME scares me sometimes…it’s my alter ego…
I think every one of us has this alter ego person that wants to come out and take over. The official spiritual title of this alter ego is the soul; that place where the soulish fleshly desires rise up and try to overwhelm. Sometimes it’s almost more that I can battle back and I lose. Sometimes I conquer and win the battle.
Anyone else been there? When you want to make a change, do you see yourself going in exact opposite direction? So for me – it’s time to stop that! (that’s me telling my other self…)
SCREEEEEECH!!! STOP!! (car tires sound effects again…)
It’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE to take that first step. Then I again look over at that Dream Poster sitting on my dresser. The word courage leaps off the page. Each “first” step takes just as much courage as the first one did. God is telling me to HAVE COURAGE GIRL! Go for it! Jump in with both feet!
Courage: “…The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.”
I also KNOW as I’ve progressed in this journey, that it’s been God who has enabled me, God who has directed my steps, God who has been and is “my personal bravery”… it’s up to me to trust in that and step out.
The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!
So here I am again, at the place where I have to lean on Him. I take that next step – then He gives me the old “heave-ho.”
It’s kinda like “NOS” in a race car… Now don’t laugh, I know about NOS with a son & husband who love racing. The analogy just came to me and it’s truly like divine enablement. You’re driving along in the race, wanting to win, neck and neck and then BAM; the switch is flipped releasing that extra boost of “POWER” and the car shoots forward like a rocket… I may not feel that power yet, but I HAVE felt it in the past, so that’s what I’m standing on now. I’m leaning in, pressing in, pushing in to God right now for His power.
Here are some of His Words I’m meditating on…
Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You.
Psalm 62:5, 8
My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him.
And the BEST ONE:
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
Of course sitting here writing about it and actually getting up off my “fanny” and doing something are two different things, this I know well. Believe me, writing and being “out there” with my struggle is more challenging than ever. I have to really live this. I can’t write all about it and then not do it. What a hypocrite that would be.
So here I go.
One more thought…
If you’re struggling with being stuck like I have, that would be any “stuck place” in your life, pray for that enablement of power. The Holy Spirit is really there to help. All He requires is that you make the decision yourself first; He won’t override your will, but as soon as you decide, BAM … that NOS power of the Grace of God is there to rocket you forward!
GRACE BABY GRACE! Zoom ~ Zoom